How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
