yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
