I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
