I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
