if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
