there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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