You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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