My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
