I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
