just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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