Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
