I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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