i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
