Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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