Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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