I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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