a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
