He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
