Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
