you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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