Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
