Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
