I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
