He is like the real live version of the state fair..
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
