Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
