coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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