well I can't set my house on fire every night
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
