saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
