If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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