Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
