judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
