kristin has been a bad kristin
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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