I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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