She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
