So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
