Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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