I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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