420 ftw
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
