she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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