At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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