Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
