I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
