Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
