I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
