I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
