So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
