I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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