Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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