Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
