I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Even my vagina gasped.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
