All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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