I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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