Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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