Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
