I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
