I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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