Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
