i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
