Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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