Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
