turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
