I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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