She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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